HAPPY EXPECTATIONS

Mar 23. 6:20 AM. Got the fire going and filled the slow cooker with good stuff for supper. Cleaned house, got clothes dried and folded, stacked lumber, cleared some floor space in the garage. Wallis came over to pick up gifts for herself and Marcelus and Lamaya. I began reading "The English Patient". I softened some small bits of dry dog food in milk for 10-10. He slurped up the milk then snarfed down the tidbits. I also gave him some of that good soup and a piece of cooked pork. He ate it all! It's been a long day. Too tired to stay up with the young people. They were watching "The Great Escape" when I toddled home with 10-10. Yes, Tenn-Tenn's name has been shortened again to 10-10. He loves it. He thinks it means he has surpassed perfection.

Mar 24. I'm sharing this small chair with 10-10 as my fire is not doing well and the house is still cold. He finds my warmth his delight. Tea and toast for me. Milk and softened tidbits for 10-10. Before leaving for Florida I broke another tooth. It cracked into 3 pieces. It didn't bother me too much so I didn't do anything for it. This morning one of the upper front teeth chipped. I was eating toast! My teeth are getting so brittle and hopeless.
Mae Sarton was happy on the 22nd. "I am happy because I feel alive and well and in a constant state of expectation before each day." I too, live each day in a happy state of expectation.
Now that the big items have been stowed I'm addressing the small stuff that I've collected since late November. Things like photos, post cards, letters, journals, cancelled stamps, theater tickets, programs, stickers, book marks, gum wrappers. What? Yes, Black Jack chewing gum was my grandfather Vanoss' favorite gum. I purchased a package at Burch Drug and could not discard the wrappers.
While I was gone Justice had his name tattooed across his back from shoulder to shoulder. I'm not into body art but do enjoy creating wearable art. Today I shortened a pair of velour pants that Aina gave me and added pieces of Angeline's old blouse to the legs. I will wear them tomorrow.
I can smell the subtle fragrances of the wood I burn. I find it on my hands when I sit down to read. Two or three pieces turn my fingers to potpourri. I inhale it at night and lose myself in a forest wild and wonderful where I wander until dawn.

TENN-TENN

Karen came and got me at Ann's. We managed to get all my stuff in her little car and soon we were on the road to Crosby. Once there we moved everything to Ellie's car and continued on to Deer river. Within three minutes of my arrival the Redd Shedd was bursting with welcome from loved ones.
It took a long time to warm up the house. but it's warm now. Yesterday I accepted responsibility for a small stray dog. Annie has been caring for him for 2 weeks so he is slowly recovering from hunger and neglect. The vet said he is grossly malnourished and has trouble eating because of malformed teeth. He also has sores in his mouth which may help to explain his chronic starvation. I fed him today and he ate very little. I will get soft dog food when I go to the store.
I must have missed the woodpile because I was singing an outrageously happy melody as I brought the wood into the house and stirred the ashes with a smile. Yesterday was international poetry day so I have decided to name the dog Lord Alfred Tennyson. His short name will be Tiny Tenn. I'll call him Ten-Ten.
While making space for clothing I came upon my Halloween costume from 2008. I think I should pass it on. Is anyone interested in the Hong Kong Madame costume?
The car has been sitting outside all winter but started easily today. Cedar and I went shopping for food. Ten-Ten helped himself to a shoulder roast when I went to do the laundry. I'd left the groceries on the floor while the refrigerator cooled. That dog is smarter than I am!

SHADOW OR LIGHT

Today is Poetry Day. Poetry can be celebrated around the world. Read a poem. Write a poem. Send me a poem.
Ann has introduced me to the music and songs of Krishna Das. It began with "Flow of Grace", chanting the Hanuman Chalisa. Hanuman is a powerful, compassionate being, "son of wind, a fire to consume the forest of evildoers, destroyer of the darkness of ignorance, in whose wide heart resides Sri Ram, the holder of the bow." Tulsi Das, Hindu poet-saint of the 16th century.
It happened one night long ago that I dreamed I was in a holy place. In fact, I was sitting on the hem of Creator-Creator's great gold robe. Thousands of others were with me. People of all nations in all manner of attire were softly speaking in their own tongues. We were arranged in a circle facing Creator-Creator who sat elevated at the center. It seemed we were all equal but some sat very close while others were far away. Peaceful patience prevailed among these devotees of prayer and devotion. It was so comfortable that I wondered what we sat on and found the robe cool and smooth, it was firm but also soft. I was so far from the center that I could not see what Creator-Creator looked like. I could not see which direction Creator-Creator faced. I sat content in the presence of unconditional love, bathed in the glow of grace, at peace, in joy, at one.
I was up at 7 AM and noticed that in the shadows that held the morning at bay a small crack appeared and allowed a narrow shaft of light to splash the dark bark of the brittle old tree just beyond the high wood fence. For several gracious golden minutes it stood bathed in crisp morning light. Now it stands in shadow but we, the tree and I, remember how for one splendid moment it stood bathed in the glow of grace. I wonder where that light will fall tomorrow. Does the tree wonder with me? No, I think the tree is simply waiting... ready to accept the shadow or the light.

VERNAL EQUINOX

Today is the first day of spring. And on such a day it seemed there was something that must be done to honor this event and enrich my journey. So I pressed the sky against my face and knew that I must do what must be done. Yes, I would replace my old and loyal digital Nikon camera with a smart new Canon. I'll give the Nikon to Wallis. I pray it carries her out upon a quest of finding the images that will nurture her spirit on the journey before her.

I went up to 404 to give my goodbye to Norma. She has serious health concerns and must have a biopsy. She is experiencing abdominal distress and feels her age as never before. She was born in 1919, as was my mother. She is 89. Just think... my mother was 19 when I came along.

DEAD ENDS

Fess Parker, 85, died today of natural causes. He appeared on the movie screen when I was about 12. He also made a name for himself on TV. He seemed like a pretty good guy in his heroic roles as coon-capped/buck-skinned frontier characters. Mae S did not write today but on 3-17 she penned... "what one dreams of is opportunity for all." On the 14th she found herself lamenting at having "reached a dead end." Yes, some dead ends are undesirable. However, very soon I shall arrive at the "dead end" where I will find myself welcomed with joy! Our home is located on such a road. I never had a particular regard for that old road until now... when I yearn toward it. I feel it tugging at my hands and feet, my arms and legs. Yes, I am the old wild goose hungry for the distant water of northern lakes. And I know a certain river where migratory birds gather to tell their tales of joy and woe, to plan their futures good or ill.
Packages have arrived from Mary P (journal) and Karen V (doll and book of Elvis quotes). Elvis, "What becomes important as you get older is understanding... instead of worrying about the things you can't do anymore."

Had a good time out with Aina. Lunch at Bachman's, looked at plants, got some seeds and talked to the fish.

MISSING BELLE

Mae Sarton wrote on this day of her 70th year and I shall write, too. She wrote of elder abuse and gang rape. She ended her entry thus: "It's a cold gray day and I feel cold and gray inside."
Roberto has returned with food and news. The geese are flying north! Well, it must be time for me to fly, too. The sugar bush is at full flow and all hands are needed... even old hands with crooked fingers.
The window is open and I hear the eager chirping of birds in the bare trees overhead. I think the very sky has tumbled down to fill this room. It feels good to fill the lungs with sky.
When Belle, the mini-horse, found out that I kept the sunflower seeds in a lidded can she tried to open it with her teeth. She is smart and persistent so I knew she would eventually open the can and the birds would be deprived. So I put the can under the bench. She tried to get it open for awhile but realized that it was now beyond her. So she stamped her pretty hoof, tossed her gray mane, curled her lip, flattened her ears and stepped smartly away. I miss that little Belle and her sassy ways. I think she misses me, too.
Aina called and we'll have lunch at Bachman's tomorrow. Suzann came over for yoga with Ann and I managed a few modified poses. Karen called and can take me north on Sunday. Hooray!

THE LIVING-LOVING HEART

March 17. When I heard Laura's knock on the door I had been dreaming that a yellow woman with white hair had floated over me, spread her arms and said, "Way gwah get chii." I took it for a blessing. Perhaps I had been visited by the spirit of the queen palm that has been guarding my rest. Her person glowed bright but the room around us remained drenched in a moist darkness. Perhaps I could say it was like returning to my mother's womb.
Soon Laura and I were on our way to terminal at Melbourne. At security I was frisked. I think Helene's pants were suspect. On board I went to sleep almost immediately. I found the rocking of the plane soothing as we crossed a turbulent sky. Then I was abruptly startled into wakefulness as the plane touched down in Atlanta.
Today is the birthday of St Patrick and my dear friend David Patrick S. Happy birthday David. I pray you are well and happy. David and I lived in Dakota Block apt in Grand Forks where we met during a tornado scare. Several funnels had formed over the city, the sky turned green and we went into shelter. We lived on the same floor in the building but had never met until a storm brought us together. From then on we were best friends. I still love him and wish him every happiness. I pray he is well loved, in good health and prosperous.
Yellow woman bright with light arrived to bless my early flight.
Last night Laura and I sat on the edge of the guest bed and as the queen palm eavesdropped, we admired this lovely book. We touched the images and marveled at such quiet graceful beauty. It was as if a shroud had been wrapped around us and we alone in all the world, our heads bending over these pages, had entered a temple where only the like-hearted could meet and understand. If a hummingbird had suddenly entered the room we would have had perfected communication as we shared the common language of the living-loving heart.
At the terminal I found Lynelle at the curb ready to gather me up and drive me to Ann's. She is an angel to come to my rescue so quickly. Yes, I saw her tuck her halo under her locks.