Thursday, May 27, 2010


Today I performed an act of supreme courage. In the shower I opened a bottle of Dr. Bonner's almond castile soap. It had been tightly closed on my last camping trip with Brandon. I've been moving it from here to there for many years. So when the fragrance rose around me it opened my memories. I wanted to be thankful for all those joy0filled days of camping with my favorite boy. But I burst into tears and stood sobbing into my hands. A pathetic old crone!
When the mail arrived I found a small package from Faith F. She had e-mailed that a refrigerator magnet was on its way to Deer Crest Manor. I was fully expecting an artfully rendered image of a Sami warrior woman within. Imagine my great surprise and extreme delight to find that Elvis had come to add his grace and charm to my sacred space in apt #8. He'd come on a motorcycle!
I have too many journals and must think of how to dispose of them. I opened one from 1985 and read several pages. Who would think those old scrawls would be so precious? Perhaps I will seal them into mouse proof containers and store in Annie's garage. They have already spent two winters there with the mice.
Cedar came home with me after school. We had a good time. I let her take a long bath and shampooed her hair. I made a lunch and let her eat in the tub. I lit a scented candle for her and put "Abba Gold" on the old cassette player. She noticed immediately that I had painted the player blue and she approved. Annie picked her up and they all went to Grand Rapids to see "Shrek 4".

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


As I sit here considering how I will invest this day fat pigeons plunge and rise at the window. Their broad wings quill the air and soft cooing gentles the morning. A large yellow butterfly flutters past. A phoebe calls her name and a blackbird opens his rusty hinge throat to reply.
Some words gleaned from my reading today. The contrary Mark Twain advised, "Put all your eggs in one basket and... watch that basket!" The angry Virginia Woolf declared, "Literature is impoverished beyond our counting by the doors that have been shut upon women."
I am listening to Michael Blake read his novel, "Dances With Wolves". I've read the book and seen the movie but the voice of the author makes the story a living event. It seems that Blake entered #8 and found me wanting. He removed his shoes at the door, sat down and said, "Now I will tell you my story." How intimate it becomes. You can't imagine how exciting it is to participate in Dunbar's experiences. I feel myself at his side and I am not embarrassed at his nakedness when he encounters Kicking Bird for the first time and later, Wind in His Hair. But I do wonder why Blake chose to present him naked. Perhaps to define his vulnerability or to expose his whiteness.
When I opened my e-mail I found a poem Faith Fjeld had written to me concerning an event I plan to attend in July.
We'll be looking for you by moonlight
as well as throughout the day.
Your good spirits will guide
as they sit by your side
so nothing can stand in your way.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


May 24. Cedar was sick and didn't go to school so I had a tired girl all day. I fed her full and she slept for three hours!
In PM we all (except Justice who stayed home to do the barn chores) went to Pine river to pick up the camper Annie purchased from a lovely couple who had got a 5th wheel. They really were so nice and loved their Moby so much. But they were quite persuaded that Moby had found a new family that would appreciate a hard working little road warrior. Then back home we came. Annie drove the camper and Cedar rode with her. Geezis accompanied me in the white van. When we got home we found that Justice had done nothing about the chores. I guess he's just another lazy liar.
It was good to get home to my small flat that welcomed me with its happy energy. Before I opened the door I knew an embrace was waiting for me. The sacred peace wrapped itself around me... and I smiled. How quickly I have made myself a new and delightful home.

May 25. I spent some time catching up on my letter writing and gift giving. Then Wallis and I were off to Grand Rapids. As we prepared to enter the car a loud roaring filled the sky above us. A huge military helicopter was coming down! It circled over us and went down a short distance away. I drove about 2 blocks and we found it in the athletic field behind King School. I took a few pictures and we continued on to GR. I got a money order for next month rent. Then to library. I got some books from the friends book store. Several for Cedar's book box and a few for me. Then I checked out some books and videos, took Wallis to Arby's for lunch and we did some 2nd hand shopping. Then to Target for a phone, toaster and to have some photos printed. We got groceries and back to DR. Michael had supper waiting! Becky is moving from Deer Crest Manor and left a box of free stuff in the corridor. I took a recipe box and clothes drying rack.
This weekend is a big pow-wow in Cass Lake. Wallis is going to camp with Lamaya but I am going to sleep at Chey's.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Mom used to have a photo of our dog, Butch, in a little dress, a crocheted sweater and bonnet. He would get up and dance on his back legs. He was a very hairy tiny Ginger Rogers impersonator. He tapped his toe nails across the floor and twirled. Then we would applaud and beg for more. He'd get excited and try to sing. When we laughed he'd get mad and start barking. Sometimes our ridicule drove him from the stage and he'd run away in his dear little dress. We'd have to chase him down the street. He was a fun friend. Like many small dogs he was fearless. He never believed he could be killed by a car... but he was. Butch died there on 24th St. in Mpls.
He used to play "Tag" too. He always wanted to be "it". He broke the rules! He didn't tag us when he caught us. No, he nipped us with his sharp little teeth. Then it was his turn to laugh and our turn to yowl and howl. One time I got lucky and ran to a tree. I caught a low branch and hung just an inch or two above his nipping jaws. Then he sat down to wait for me to fall. He could wait forever but soon I was tired. I dropped from the tree like an over ripe plum and he had me! Yipes!
As I sit here thinking and looking out the Loftnest window I recall a line from a song Pat Boone used to sing. "I read your book by colored light that came in through the pretty picture window." I have colored glass in the window and beyond the pane the bright leaves of spring flutter their green fingers toward me. I already love this window full of sky and tree tops. The tree before me is a short-lived box elder and already old. I hope it can endure a few more years with me. The birds of forever sit in the branches and look in on my finite humanity.
On Sunday, May 23, 1982, Mae Sarton wrote in the journal of her 70th year, too. "I suppose I have always believed that one must live as though one were dying... and we all are, of course... because then the priorities become clear."
Now let me invite you to "Walk with a Poem" by Anne M Dunn.
Today I will walk with a poem.
Standing close we will commune
And conceive a bundle of words.
I will carry the poem
Until it ripens.
It will burst open upon the page.
The tiny spark will add itself
To the great blaze of poems
Being birthed around the world.
Poets will nurture new creations.
They will grow strong together
And stumble into the public arena.
They will present themselves
For ridicule or praise.
Perhaps among the sour fruit
Will be one perfect rose.
We will carry the flower home,
Tear the petals free,
Lay them on our tongues
Like a holy sacrament
And feed ourselves
To write again.

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Tressa and her 3 children, Annie and her 3 children, Wallis, Lamaya and I drove to Grand Rapids to participate in the first annual diversity pow-wow. Before we left town we had to get gas and there we found Faith with a stalled car. A father with a young son was trying to help but needed battery cables. I got my cables out and soon Faith's sisters Becky and Sara had pulled into the station. They were closely followed by their other sister Geraldine. We had a nice reunion. They were on their way to Duluth to celebrate the birthday of their only brother, Gordon. Soon we were all on the road to our separate destinations. But we discovered the pow-wow had been canceled due to a funding shortfall. What a bunch of disappointed Indians gathered in the Civic Center parking lot. After a brief discussion of options 2 cars of natives decided to head for Fond du lac for their one-day dance. We would return to Deer River. One of the men from Red Lake said we should not be standing in a group talking. He told us 6 men had recently been arrested in Bemidji for walking down the street together. Someone suggested we have a little pow-wow right there and Lamaya started pounding on my car door. Everyone looked at her and smiled.
Our group returned to DR and went to Court Park so the kids could play. Wallis, Lamaya and I took a short cut road but were turned back because a power line that had fallen across the road. Lamaya said, "It's still a nice ride." Yes, it was. We always enjoy a bit of adventure together.
I am at the end of another journal and this one will be mailed to Beth Waterhouse. She will love every page.

Friday, May 21, 2010


May 20. Michael and Wallis came over to help me put the mirrors on the bureaus. Then Justice and Bruce martin came. I had to hurry out to Annie's and tell stories to 25 students from Penn State. They had arrived under half a moon on a warm mosquito laden night. We began outside on the Redd Shedd patio but the insects drove us indoors. After stories, Annie sang a couple of songs and served a delicious elderberry tea. When I left it was too cool for mosquitoes and the frogs were at full throat.

May 21. Today I found this tribute to my exceptional mother. It was published Nov. 22, 1996 in the Native American Press Ojibwe News (Pub/Ed Bill Lawrence) THANKFULNESS: Cherish the past and relish the present. By Anne M. Dunn.
This will be my first Thanks-giving Day without Mom. She passed over on Nov. 14, 1996, the beginning of all my motherless days. So... I'm still trying to find my place in a world that no longer includes her physical presence.
I'm still cleaning her house... and sometimes I find that when I tough something... it touches me, too. A red bowl, her slippers, a sweater, her hair brush, a bobby pin, her photograph, a ceramic bird. They touch me.
While looking through her papers I found old letters written by her sister, her parents, her sweetheart. Recent letters from grandchildren Annie, Sara and Charles. She'd saved birthday notes and Christmas greetings, too.
Like most people, I know that thanksgiving doesn't happen once a year. It's ongoing. But from my mother I've learned that we don't have to look far for an opportunity to be thankful.
I'm thankful for a worn blue notebook where she recorded, "June 30, 1979. Found wild carrots along road on Wilderness Drive going to camp ground. Also found wild onions growing their in a field and along the road."
I imagine her delight at finding these earth-gifts. I see her small hands digging around a plant. I watch a smile playing across her face as she rubs the soil off on her pants let and carefully puts the root in her jacket pocket.
My niece Terry gave me a picture of Mom picking strawberries this past summer. I'm thankful for the photo and for the joy I see in my mother's thin, tired face.
My mother never lost her ability to find beauty in the things around her. the bright flash of a hummingbird, the delicate petals of a violet, the restless twinkling of a star, rain-splashed leaves, the song of a bird, a well-told tale, the smile of a friend, the first morel mushroom in the spring.
I'm thankful that she opened my eyes to theses treasures. She has been my mentor. From her I have been learning that thankfulness is nurtured when we cherish the past and relish the present. Then it deepens in the future as it becomes a precious memory.
While I certainly appreciate the eagerness of children, the enthusiasm of youth, the strength of adulthood, it's the gentle wisdom of the elders that touches me most deeply. I love their great past, their lavish generosity and their patient disregard for time.
For some weeks I'd watched my mother began to abandoned her earthbound life and failing flesh. She seemed to brush my hand from her arm and look to the promise of a better future. Every day she left the rest of us farther behind.
"I don't know why I'm still here," she lamented.
"Because your family needs you," I offered. "Because you still have work to do."
"Work!" she said, holding up her trembling hands. "I can't do anything."
"You can still tell stories."
"No, I can't. When I try to remember a certain story... I forget how it goes."
But I urged her to tell me the story of the first loon. When she got stuck I helped her remember. What I'd forgotten she remembered. So we told a story together... just as we had so many times before.
Satisfaction twinkled in her bright eyes as she ended. "That's how Loon came to be."
Later i told our friend Larry Cloud Morgan about this incident and he told me the story of an elder woman who wept, "I'm not good for anything anymore!" He told how Creator had pitied the woman and had given her a task that never ends. She happily continues to weave the past into the future.
With Mom's passing I have become the oldest person in my immediate family. Now my children must turn to me for counsel. Therefore, I pray that I'll have something worthy to tell them and that my words will enrich their journeys.
Now it is time to spin new dreams with the fragile threads of memory and hope. Into this new fabric I'll weave all that is fine and rare and thankful, and pass it to my children when it's time for me to leave.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I have enjoyed Bobby Darin Beyond the Song, a Netflix DVD. Of course, I've been singiing along with him for many years but what a treat to see him perform. He was SO gifted and he always gave everything and held nothing back. Because of a serious childhood illness his life expectancy was no more than 20 years and probably more like 14. He did great things in his short life and died at 37 following heart surgery.
I took Justice out for supper at the Outpost Bar and Grill. It was his reward for helping me to move the heavy items from the Redd Shedd to the Loftnest. He did a lot of work without complaiining. Our conversation was interesting anc covered several subjects of great interest to both of us... including poetry!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


May 17. Annie and Cedar arrived early and we hurried to Grand Rapids for an electric pot to heat water in the Redd Shedd which we are converting into a guest house, cannery, and herb school. I had hoped we could paint the floor but we will cover it with rugs as I did when it was my home.
Now I make my home here in the top of the trees. I am thinking of this new abode as Loftnest. the t's feel a bit awkward on the tongue but I like the way it leans toward Lochness.
I purchased bird seed for the feeding station at the Redd Shedd. I must hang the humming bird feeder tomorrow.

May 18. I have put my second roll of toilet paper on the roller today. Ray is trimming the shrubs below and the busy buzz of his trimmer has taken a big bite out of my peaceful morning. Now he has moved along and the whine grows distant as it saws at the quiet edges of my thoughts.
Mae Sarton has found her way out of a box and to the shelf. Now she is in my hand and on this day in 1982 she journaled about her interview for Ms. She wrote, ..."I feel like a turtle... and wish I could stick my neck into my shell and not be available to probing questions, however kind they may be."
When I enter number 8 I feel I have gained my private loft. When I look out the window I am among the birds and feel I make my home within a cozy nest formed and feathered by my own efforts.
While at Crosby I discovered a couple of interesting titles on the shelves of Ellie and Karen. They are "Wildflower Safaris by Car" and "Spirits in the Garden".
Attended the Bugonaygeshig Memorial Feast with Michael and Wallis. Not too many came. No tribal officials showed up. Nor did we see any political hopefuls. Students and staff served the guests with courteous dignity. The menu included: wild rice, corn, mashed potatoes, walleye and blueberry pie. Before food was served the young drummers offered an honor song. Red prayer ties and cedar sprigs were presented to survivors who came to represent the deceased. Wallis and I went up for Brandon. I went up again for Kevin as no one was there for him. When the drummers offered a traveling song, I tried to get my heart to beat with the drum. It took quite some time but at last my heart was beating in unison with the drum which is the heartbeat of our nation.

Sunday, May 16, 2010


May 15. Ellie picked me up at 9:30AM and off we went to Crosby. Thomasina the happy poodle had accompanied her and after greeting me thoroughly the poodle slept. Ellie and I chatted the miles away. At Crosby Karen had prepared a nice lunch. Nancy arranged her stones and soon guests were arriving. Among the adults were 3 boys (8-10 Yrs) so i told a few stories for them. After they left the group the energy changed and I followed with some more adult stories. It was good to get the old tales out of the traveling story bag. there was an intermission and refreshments were served. Nancy showed her beautiful stones and the guests began to leave. Then we had salad, cheese and crackers. soon we were on our way to Brainerd to see the movie, "Straightlaced". We got home late and stayed up talking. Then I climbed the steps to my bed under the stars. A loon called several times while 10,000 frogs sang songs of joy. It didn't take long for sleep to find me. I dreamed of Cedar. She was an old woman with long gray hair.

May 16. Karen made omelettes for breakfast and we visited over our food until Ellie began getting ready to get me back to Deer R. then we made our long affectionate goodbyes. Nancy and given me a beautiful buffalo stone necklace and a blue pendant for my grandmother. I got 2 stones for Cedar's birthday. When I got home I went to the Redd Shedd for more boxes. Annie and Justice loaded the van and some furniture is now at home in the flat. I gave the microwave oven to Wallis.

Friday, May 14, 2010


Cedar and I were up early... before the blue jays came to look in on us. We had been invited for breakfast with Lamaya. Afterwards I took the two little girls out to Annie's to collect more boxes. Then we went to Shelley's for ice cream. We moved more boxes while Wallis and Lamaya prepared a picnic lunch. We ate at the park. When the train came by both girls ran to Wallis for safety. I was going toward the train to take pictures for Marcellus. Cedar and I returned to the flat and soon Annie was here to pick her up. Later we all met at the church in GR for the clothing giveaway and free supper. I finished the long busy day by doing a load of laundry.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


I dreamed that I went down to the laundry room and found a man leaning over the washer. Although his back was turned to me I recognized his pear-shaped bottom and gasped. He stood up and faced me. He was loaded with charm and he twinkled his friendly blue eyes for me. "I didn't know YOU lived in the building," I blurted. He crossed his lips with a manicured finger and sparkled his diamonds at me. "Well, Sweetheart," he replied, "I'm hiding from someone. " I had to laugh. "There's no place on earth where Bing Crosby is not going to be recognized." "Oh," he sang, "you'd be surprised." Then he said, "I usually tell folks I'm an impersonator and they believe that. Sure, they even want to know where I'm performing. I tell them I'm out of work but putting a new show together." I wondered why he was confessing to me. Before I could ask he reached into his pocket and pulled out a stunning necklace. "To seal your lips," he said. "I don't need a bribe to keep a secret," I told him. He smiled warmly and took my hand. "It's not a bribe anymore. It's a gift from a friend." He put the gift in my hand, gently folded my fingers over it and began to fade. The last I saw of the old crooner was his famous smile. Then he disappeared into the laundry room wall. I opened my eyes in Apt 8 and found myself alone. I could still feel a bit of the Bing-bling in my hand but soon it melted away. I felt as blue as one of Gene Kelly's old dancing shoes. Then I sat up in amazement and wondered, "Who else lives in Deer Crest Manor during my dream time?"
I've been here nearly two weeks and still don't have furniture. I just need someone to move it. Gabe told Wallis he will do it for gas. I tried to call him but he is a restricted number. I can't afford long distance at this time.
I've decided that Annabelle's card table is sturdy enough for a dining room table.
As I look around me I find that I love things that begin with B. There are my old bottles, button collections, many books and ... photos of Brandon.
Cedar plans to spend the night and tomorrow with me. Lamaya came over to play. We popped corn. After Wallis came for Lamaya, Cedar and I began to watch "Meet me in St Lois". Her favorite character was Tootie, played by Margaret O'Brien. When she got tired we made her a bed on the floor and she went to bed with no complaints and no anxiety. Soon the Sandman had worked his magic for both of us.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


May 8. Another busy day. Loading boxes, carrying them to the car, driving to the flat, carrying boxes to second floor, unloading boxes and doing some organizing. Then take empty boxes down to car, drive to Redd Shedd and repeat.
Cedar came about 6 PM to invite me to Appleby's for her 6th birthday supper. It was delicious. Then she stayed with me at the flat while Annie and big kids went to retrieve settee, cinder blocks and 10 foot boards for book shelves. After they all left I dismantled the milk crate shelves, put the new shelves together and organized the books again. To bed. Amen.

May 9. I hardly moved as I slept. Bed almost looks made. Then to work. The craft room or closet needed attention. I'd barely began when I was struck down by a hugely painful muscle spasm in mid-right back. It's always in the same place. I hobbled back to bed and relaxed for awhile. Then got up and took some pain med and drank a cup of coffee. After another bit of rest I returned to the task that triggered the miserable episode. Moving slowly and carefully I got the job done.
My poor old body wants/needs/deserves a rest. I will take it easy for the rest of today. Anyway, I'm afraid to leave the flat as I may be unable to climb back up the stairs.
Yesterday it was so cold at the party that I put on my old sugar bush jacket and the fragrance it carried hurtled me back to camp memories. Not just the last camp, but years and years of memories came crowding forward. It was lovely.
I finally went down for mail and got up the stairs without serious pain. Michael and Wallis brought me supper from the Community Cafe.

May 10. At 2AM I was awake and unable to sleep. So I made a cup of chamomile tea laced with lavender and sweetened with honey. Then I went back to bed. The bonus was the way the heat radiated through me like healing fingers.
At 8AM I was up and slurping down a bowl of Malt-o-meal. I slept quite well after the tea. I have found an herbal recipe for bedtime tea that I will mix and keep handy for another restless night. RECIPE 2 t. oatstraw, 1 t. chamomile, 1/2 t. lavender.

May 11. I found an article on how to organize the kitchen into functional zones. First, microwave should not be on the counter as it takes up too much space. I used to have a cart but this kitchen is too small so will have someone put it on the refrigerator. There won't be too much to change as we naturally organize around certain activities. Some things I am thinking about purchasing are: a large over the sink cutting board, door mounted spice racks, 1 and 2 qt casseroles and a round/ring baking pan. I have no buffet but the butterfly cabinet can serve that function artfully. I have an old wooden fruit box that will make an ideal cook book shelf. I painted it blue, of course.

May 12. Telephone service man is here and soon I will be connected! My first call on the old phone was from Wallis. It is a second hand phone and doesn't take messages but the price was right. My second call was from Angeline in France.
I had some Bedtiime Tea and went to be early.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


May 1. I have finished "Never Cry Wolf" and will keep it to read again. The pages are full of laughter and wet with tears for the slaughter of the innocent.
Today is my move-in date. Wallis, Marcellus and I took a few boxes to the flat. Then Marcellus locked himself inside. After about 10 minutes of near panic he figured out how to open the door.
Back at Annie's I got some horrible news. Cinnamon had killed 18 chickens! Apparently he was the sole assassin. How I wish this could be undone.
I brought in more wood and warmed the Redd Shedd. I don't want to carry a lot of leftover food so I am trying to eat the refrigerator. Cinnamon is helping.

May 2. Unable to sleep after 2 AM. Cinnamon the mass murderer is on death row and occupies my every thought. No dreams of the awful spectacle of panic and terror those poor chickens endured during their final moment. How could such a gentle, sensitive creature do such violence?
Wallis, Marcellus and I went to the A-frame to get some foam pads for my bed at the new flat. I also went to visit 10-10 and he was so glad to see me. He is looking well-nourished well-loved.
Back at Deer River I loaded the car and took more boxes to the flat. I made 2 trips with car and numerous climbs up the steps. My legs were complaining so I had to quit. Then went to the store for something to eat and realized this was my first purchase in this place so saved the receipt for the journal. Took a hot tub bath and went to bed on the floor.

May 3. Last night I wanted to read a bit so selected "Giant" by Edna Ferber. I'd seen the movie and never read the book so I was quite surprised to discover that the book begins near the end of the movie.
This morning the tree tops beyond my second floor windows were full of birds. Blue jays, fiches, robins, doves and blackbirds. Pigeons were leaping off the roof and sailing past the window with grace and beauty to strut about in the grass below.
Another day of sweat and labor. The building manager stopped in with a contract concerning the deposit. He noticed my high school grad portrait and asked who it was. "Someone I used to be," I told him. "It's you, right?" he persisted. "It's someone I used to be," I insisted. "I remember her but she doesn't know me." His whole body turned into a question mark. "But it's you! You look the same." I shook my head. "I see you in her," he finished. Soon he was gone. Cedar was with me and she making toast for our teatime. Later she helped me carry more stuff up the steps. Then I took her home. Soon Annie was at the door with a package from France. It was a lovely collection of Paris related gifts: a mug, a snack tray, snacks, and a clock. I'll put the clock in my bathroom. I went through some boxes of fabric and put aside 2 bags for the Thrift Store. Then I settled into my floor bed to pray and rest.

May 4. A beautiful sky blue day. The leaves beyond the window are 3 times larger than they were yesterday! I went to Grand Rapids to talk to the vet about Cinnamon being euthanized. He has an appointment for 10:30 tomorrow. I broke down once in the office and once in the car. Then I took Cinnamon for a long and lovely ride through springtime in the forest. We went to Ball Club where we first met. Then we went to the house on Sparrow where we used to live. We talked about being happy and being sad. I told him about dying. H said, "I'm only four years old. That's too young to die."
I took him back to the kennel and moved more boxes. But all day I've been carrying my bleeding heart in my aching hands... my poor old getting so tired of being broken heart.

May 5. Resolve brought rest and I slept well last night. The sky is covered with a blanket of gloom. The blue jays ave come and gone. I must take Cinnamon on his last ride. He really enjoyed himself but I felt I had betrayed him somehow. Yes, he seemed to be making the most of our last ride together. (I must add... he was quite present on my return, too. I knew he was dead but he seemed to be asleep and that he would get up and leap from the car when I opened the door. But, of course, he did not.)
As Cinnamon went to the other side Sam came running to meet and greet him. Cinnamon was not afraid. He was sweet and calm and trusting as he went across. I stayed with him so he would not be anxious. I held him and didn't weep until he was gone. I'd brought his old wool blanket for him to lay on and they put him in the back seat. Justice had dug the grave so I buried my good and loyal friend in the cold, cold rain. I wept again for all my lonely years. I sang for him, too, "Beyond the Sunset". I thought about Smokey Robinson's old song, "What's so Good about Goodbye". Yes, there's been a death in the family.
Cedar found four extremely beautiful dried beans and has taped them to the front on my address book. I wonder if they have any magic qualities. If they do, shall I expect a visit from an angry giant? A young man once told me how he'd left his harp on the porch and when he returned he'd found it playing without his assistance. He said the wind fingers were making a song. He wrote it down and played it for me.

May 6. Yesterday I used my oven for the first time. I baked Cinnamon's memorial paw print plaque. In the car I can still smell him. When I talk to him he whines a little. I hear him putting his nose over the edge of the open window and sniffing the air. He inhales the sky and sneezes. He shakes his head and I hear his ears flapping.
Wallis and moved two more car loads of stuff and took Roberto's old pontoon chairs to her house.
Washing clothes is the way to meet other residents. I met Pearl during the wash and Randy during the drying. Afterwards I realized that Pearl wanted to talk about her pacemaker and Randy about his new hip. I have no replacement parts to discuss. After I finished laundry, Gloria came to my door and said we should have coffee sometimes... apparently she has no replacements to talk about.
Wallis and I moved more boxes. In afternoon Michael, Wallis and I went to Cass Lake for Marcellus' Headstart graduation. I got to spend more time with 10-10. They have changed his name to Puppy.

May 7. I dreamed that it snowed and awakened with that winter kind of ache in my bones. When I looked up to see what kind of a day it was gong to be guess who was looking in on me? Yes, it was Cinnamon! He was waiting for e to wake up. His body was telling me that he's happy but he missed me. "I miss you, too", I whispered. Then he was gone. It was a brief but beautiful visit.
It's really snowing now. There was snow falling on Cedar at Hickory Lane when she goes to catch the school bus.
It's been snowing all day. But Annie and Justice brought my bed! I look forward to falling into it's familiar lumps and shifting padding. Or is my lumps that are shifting?
Then as the earth received a gift from the sky Annie told me that my cousin Clifford Robertson had been found dead under a bridge in Mpls. We didn't know he was homeless. "Why didn't he just come back home?" Annie asked. "Sometimes it's like they say in the old song, 'Lord, I just can't go home this a-way." She nodded and understood. Clifford had something that only a few people possess. It was a million dollar smile. When he caught your eye and tossed you that unforgettable smile... you stayed smiled at forever. Which reminds me... have I smiled at anyone today? I guess not. And so there is yet another death in the family.
I got a mom's day card from my son-in-law, Mark, today. He enclosed a photos of the family taken on a recent visit to Sandstone. I have already framed it and put it on display in the flat.

May 8. Ann and Dar found the apt but I was out at the other house so they found me there. We moved some stuff to the flat and made book shelves from milk crates and sauna boards. We had a lovely lunch and beautiful visit and they were off to Crosby. When Annie came later she suggested that I get rid of the crates and use cinder blocks for the book shelves. Where have I heard that before?
Today was the celebration of Cedar's 6th birthday. Tom and family were there and her Grampa Humphrey. I got a card from Tom. I moved more light boxes. Michael and Wallis came for tea and we carried boxes up to #8.
Made see-through shelves for the windows. It breaks the view of the dark roof beyond but does not block the light.