Sunday, December 6, 2009


From The Diary of Anne Frank: "I have had a lot of sorrow, but who hasn't at my age?" She wrote this at age 14. I too turned sorrowful at an early age and with far less reason. I also turned to the pen and ink pot. I wrote many pages of woe. How I beat my pillow, sobbing over all my dismal days. Then I'd burn the poems and stories to begin again. Many times I've thought of youth turned to ash and wished I'd saved those words of yearning and despair... but I did not.
Ann is off to Sunday School and Roberto sleeps. My shadow falls across the room like a stranger. The large potted plants at the window lay their shadows over mine so I appear to be a menacing stranger creeping through the pane. Perhaps I am a hidden stranger after all. Alas... we're everywhere.
Do you remember how your life was shattered by a devastating loss? You picked yourself up bit by bit. You put yourself back together. But afterwards you were different. Sometimes I feel so changed by trauma, death and grief that I hardly recognize myself. I came this way because a murder imposed itself upon my journey. I visited places I did not choose to go. I wandered lonely through crowds of lonely wanderers. I was walking in my sleep. But I'm awake now. I'm getting acquainted with the person I've become but not without wondering who I would have been without the experiences that shaped this very day. Who I am today is not who I will be tomorrow. Oh, Stranger... you are everywhere. Mary Oliver wrote, "...I am so madly in love with each day's inventions..." So in love with change and renewal!
Last night we went to Katie and Abelardo's for yummy hors d'oeuvres. I ate two baked jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon. We also shared BBQ chicken wings. Verna and Mauricio were there, too. Later we regrouped at Merlin's Rest to hear Ann's cousin Dino play with the blues-jazz band. Joined by Oswaldo we squeezed eight into a horseshoe booth.
Today I made a pie with the last jar of the mock mince meat Flo and I made from her abundance of green tomatoes in 2007. Dar came for tea and pie. We played two games of rumicubes and I won once. I've never won with Ann and Dar before so I feel good. I also walked 12 blocks today.
I called Violet and she was on the road driving from Cass Lake to Mpls. Then Bruce called to tell me he is bringing Myrna for an overnite visit on the 9th. Hooray!

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