WIND IN MY SAILS

Sept 1. Alarm! Alarm! I just heard a gaggle of geese flying over. Couldn't see them as the trees still dominate this window. I heard that handsome blue crested bird announce that he had arrived. "Jay! Jay!" he screamed.

I played my Fats Domino collection today. It almost made me cry. I danced to him in HS. My 2 best partners were girls. Bing and Simone. They both died of lupus. Simone before 25 and Bing before 35. What a killer. What a heartache. But oh, the power of a song. Cedar is asleep on the settee but this old music bathes her in melody. Will she remember this on some far off day? Will grief tug at her heart and will she think of me and how I have loved her?

I worked on stamps again.

Sept 2. The rain called me awake and I listened as it tapped the leaves in the trees beyond my open window. Soon I was asleep and ready to dream.

I was following a woman in a purple coat but lost her in a crowd of people wearing blue coats. As I stood at a loss as to what I should do I was approached by the woman and she was wearing a blue coat. She did not speak until I gave her a coded sentence. I thought it was a quote from Abe Lincoln but I don't remember the words. Then she smiled and said, "Follow me." She took me to a small pub-like cafe that was not doing much business. I saw a purple coat hanging on a hook. "Put it on," she told me. When I did it turned blue. "This is your new uniform. It goes with the job. It changes color when we are excited about our work." "What is our work?" I wanted to know. "We remember," she said. "Some of us have to remember. The electronic empire will crash. The books are already disappearing. Someone will have to remember." "What do you remember?" I asked. Her smile disappeared. "The holocaust. Everyday I put on my purple coat and go to the library. As I get close to the library my coat turns blue and I know I'm ready. I think it is changed by body heat." She turned to leave. "When will I see you?" I asked. "Tomorrow. There will be a new quote so you can find others who remember." Suddenly she was gone and I turned to find the blond Man From Uncle standing near me. He wore a blue coat and quoted Lincoln. We sat at a small table near a dusty window. "My name is Don Dell Leon. They call me The Lion." Then the walls of the pub turned into an illustration and I tumbled off the page. I was sitting on the floor in the flat. Cedar was on the settee with a book open on her lap. "Look, Grandma," she shouted. "It's a picture of The Lion." I got up to see him disappearing from the page. I was soon awake.

When I told Cedar about the dream I asked her if she knew The Lion. "Yes," she said. "He was a dream that came true."

"This is your moment." Unk.

Sept 3. May Sarton would visit an island in 1982. "Monhegan begins to seem like the moon. It will rain, they say, but I don't care. It is an adventure and the wind is rising in my sails."

I completed the cougar puzzle last night. What a beautiful creature. All the while he watched me as i completed his head first. Such eyes! So intelligent. So sensitive.

Yesterday i started cutting out my Mary Engelbriet collection of paper dolls. Cedar really enjoyed dressing the tiny figures. She was so careful with them. I gave her a Wizard of Oz box to keep them in and fashioned envelopes for them from gift wrap.

Feeling flushed and feverish. Made swamp tea sweetened with maple syrup. Sat in a soda and Epsom's salt bath. Drank green tea.

Getting ready for Wiping of the Tears tomorrow.